This visualization (often called the loving kindness meditation) has been bringing me a greater sense of compassion for the past few weeks. In connecting well wishes with visions of spreading them to myself, people I love, and the whole world, and then connecting them to the feeling of warmth in my heart, I feel more capable than ever of compassion not only for myself but for others too.

And this compassion is making it easier to forgive things I’ve held on to for years, which I know are only poison for myself. It’s making it easier to truly want the best for other people and to not feel in competition with anybody. It’s helping me let go of my hardness and fall into my softness—an essential ingredient to creating daily expectations that don’t just align with what I’m capable of, but with what I value.

And therein I’ve uncovered one of the essential truths of my life’s work:

honoring oneself means knowing what one is capable of and choosing to act differently if one’s capacity violates one’s values. It’s knowing when to stop.

And this is hard for me, and for the people I work with. Because we’re wired to keep going. More is better.

But more isn’t better. Not at all. More drives us to the dirt. It leaves us successful but unfulfilled. It leaves us feeling like we’ve betrayed ourselves because we’ve made everybody happy except ourselves. Because happiness can’t coexist with violating our values.

Only when our actions align with our values—when we walk the talk—do we find true happiness.

So it is imperative for a high achiever to, forever, apply opposing force to the natural desire to do more.

And being surrounded by high achievers not on the same path, this can feel like hanging out with addicts while in recovery. Which is why support is so necessary.

I hope this challenge brings you peace, self-compassion, and forgiveness.